All right. We've gotten used to the racial profiling cum Affirmative Action in college admissions. "Are you Hispanic or Latino?" "Indicate how you identify yourself -- American Indian or Alaska Native (does this give Sarah Palin a preference?). Asian? Black or African American? Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander? White?"

Heaven forbid you should identify yourself as neither one nor the other -- or perhaps some hybrid mix, as in, "out of many, one." [Where have I heard that phrase before? Ah yes. E Pluribus Unum.]

These are the so-called "demographic" questions asked by the new Common App. [We call it race baiting.] 

Okay. Forget the fact that "American Indians" prefer the term "Native American," and if you are going the route of "African American," then, surely, "Asian" should be "Asian American" (lest they're playing to the great influx of International students). "Pacific Islander?" Would New York Islander suffice?

But what's with this "White?" Whatever happened to Caucasian?" And if someone who has never been to Africa can be denominated as African American, and one who has never so much as traveled to Asia be known as Asian American, why can't this nice Jewish kid from Long Island proudly bear the moniker of "Eastern European American?"

Nope. He is, in the eyes of the Common App, and, presumably, college admissions officers everywhere, simply lumped together with those vast, pale legions hereinafter to be designated as "White."

Adding insult to injury, Common App inquires, "Which best describes your White background?"

Hmmm. Let me think. Is this like going into your local paint store, and having to choose between a thousand shades of white? Are you off-white? Linen white? Ivory? Better hold that paint chip up to your colorless face and pick a shade. Okay. I'll go with White.

On second thought, how about that old Crayola crayon color, "Flesh?" Talk about politically incorrect. No, not today's multicultural crayons. The original, monochrome "flesh," that was neither white, nor pink, nor any shade nearly resembling Caucasian skin (whatever color that may be). [Bowing to political pressure, Crayola dropped its "Flesh" color back in 1962, Indian Red soon to follow.] Yes. the "flesh" colored crayon was now called "Peach!"

Of course, Common App doesn't give students the choice of "Peach," "Indian Red," or even "Flesh." We are left to ponder, "Which best describes your White background," and given but three choices -- "Europe," "Middle East," "Other."

"Other?" Yeah, "Other." I kinda like "Other." Mostly because not one of us (well, very few, I'd presume) is such a pure bred the likes of which only an Aryan racist or a member of the KKK could love. What if we all considered our "demographic" as "Asian-American Indian whose maternal grandparents hailed from the Pacific Islands by way of Hawaii, and whose paternal grandparents were Black Hispanics (from Puerto Rico), who traveled to America by way of the Middle East with brief sojourns to France and Liberia?"

Better yet, what if we all were "Other?" Just how would admission to college be decided then?
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