With all the buzz surrounding talk of Amazon making deliveries by drone, The College Whisperer™ figured, well, why not deliver college applications -- and, for that matter, college acceptances -- by drone?

Given the disastrous year had by Common App, and all of the wild twists, turns, and machinations of the college application and admissions process, the delivery of college applications by unmanned drone could only be an improvement, right? And with all the droning on and on and on during the application and admissions season -- from the folks who brought you the dreaded SAT, to the colleges themselves (not to mention Mom and Dad, nagging you to get to work on that college essay), the flight of the drone, whisking your applications away to colleges near and far, would be a most welcome diversion.

Yes, it may seem far-fetched. Something out of a science fiction movie (not that Common App has been anything short of a horror show). But it just might work.

Print out a paper application (sans supplements and mindless member questions, ala, "What was your favorite bedtime story when you were 3 years old?"). Fill it in, using a ballpoint pen (no Number 2 pencil required). Then ring for the handy, dandy, ever so efficient College Application Drone (CAD). [No worries. There will be an App for that!]

Within minutes, the CAD appears at your doorstep. It signals your smartphone as to its arrival (after all, ringing your doorbell might present a problem). You slip your college applications (fee paid online on the schools' websites) into the plastic canister attached to the CAD and, voila -- your applications are on their way. No spinning wheels. No "send supplements separately." No additional fees to "rush" your applications. No wondering whether your applications reached their final destination, or have been forever left to roam in the dark, cold vastness of cyberspace.

Will there be glitches? Of course. Like anything new and innovative, there will be kinks to be worked out. [Don't worry. Unlike Common App, the College Application Drone will be Beta tested!]

In fact, several colleges have already begun limited use of CAD for undergraduate admissions. Okay. There have been issues, albeit minor. The application meant for delivery to the University of Miami that inadvertently found its way to Miami of Ohio. A mere technicality. And there was rumor of an alleged hijacking of a drone carrying a batch of applications, destined for the University of Michigan, that somehow wound up on the quad at Michigan State. Gotta love those longstanding collegiate rivalries!

And let's not stop with college applications. The drone will be adept at delivering acceptance letters, as well. No portals to create, with attendant password conundrums. No emails to watch for, potentially lost among the hundreds of unsolicited pings from colleges you've never heard of, deleted in haste, or simply relegated to spam. No third party vendors, sending mailings saying YES, when what they really meant to say was, um, NO. Nothing deferred. Waitlist, be damned!

Sure, the occasional drone crashing through your kitchen window, or being shot down over a corn field in Iowa by an ardent supporter of the NRA. It happens. Still, a heck of a lot better than what we've got now!

Concerned that the drones may be spying on you? Ha, ha, ha. The NSA has nothing on College Board, which already knows more about you than does your own mother.

The College Application Drone will surely revolutionize a process that is conceived in confusion, mired in mystery, and about as practical as mining for gold with a toothpick.

Out with the Common App. Send in the drones!

[Don't bother, they're here. . .]  
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Plan. Prepare. Prevail!  

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